Pandemic Mothering

Written by Guest Blogger Dr. Aktan (Mom, Wife, Teacher, Nurse, Juggler of all)

I do not care what age your child is.  Mothering during a global pandemic is hard.  In fact, it is a total nightmare.  We are stressed out more than ever before.  Eating like shit.  Consuming more wine and melatonin than we want to admit.  Trying to stay positive and not scare our children (or murder our significant others), yet we share many of their same concerns and worries.

Moms of younger children are faced with keeping little ones busy without access to playgrounds, mommy-and-me, dance class, or soccer practice.  There is only so much screen time the younger crowd is allowed, and we know we are all violating the “rules”.  DO NOT JUDGE.  We are all doing it.

And let’s face it.  Home schooling is a nightmare.  How does the teacher stay so upbeat and positive?  The zoom screen of the younger child is complete with nappers, visiting dogs, distracting noises, and of course, the constant “can you hear me”, “I cannot hear you”, or “you are muted”.  

Teachers, can you hear me?  We do not need to do projects at home.  No scissors and no glue sticks please.  We are in survival mode.  This is not the time for paper mache and NO CHILD needs to practice Hot Cross Buns on the recorder.  There is just way too much together time this year for that.

Let’s talk about teens.  They are smellier and much more irritable than usual.  Zooming or not zooming.   Not submitting their work.  We are tracking their virtual grades like the CIA tracked Bin Laden.  Did our mothers view our grades daily?  I think not.

How about food consumption?  How can one average-sized American family possibly eat so much?  How many meals and snacks can these home schoolers possibly put away?  Where does it all go?  Are they giving it to the dog?  How are they not getting fat like me?  

Not to mention feeling like you won the lottery when you finally score a food shopping delivery reservation.  Score!  When you fail at this one mom task your penalty is to “suit up” and brave the food store yourself!  May the odds be ever in your favor.

And how about the mess?  The kitchen and bathrooms have never seen this much daily traffic.  Ever.  The carpets and floors are constantly a disaster.  Do not get me started on laundry.  You are not going anywhere people.  Why so many wardrobe changes?  Yes, you can wear your PJs and use a towel twice.  It is allowed.  I promise.

Activity juggling during a pandemic is a new and unique multi-tasking mom skill.  Sign them up.  Pay.  Pray.  Play.  Exposure.  Test.  Wait.  Quarantine.  Repeat.  I promise, no matter where you live, what age your child is, or what activities they engage in, this will be your future.  If you cannot take it, then stay home.  It is painful.  Not to mention, exhausting, and most often disappointing for all.

Keeping busy during a pandemic can be fun.  Or not.  We all tried home improvement products.  Closets were cleaned out.  Junk drawers were emptied.  The “to-do” list was completed.  Again.  And again.  I even planted my very first vegetable garden.  Wild animals ate it.  Three times.  How fitting for 2020.

Vacation planning was interesting.  Go.  Don’t go.  Spend your hard-earned money and then fight like wolves to get it back.  Even with travel insurance.  Always a loop hole.  This year gave new meaning to the term “cruise to nowhere”.  My advice.  Stick with a stay-cation and some low risk day trips.  Save your pennies for that trip of a lifetime to Paris when this nightmare is finally over.

Feeling like the sandwich generation more than ever before?  Worrying about our children like we always do, but for the first time, feeling most concerned for our parents and grandparents.  What if they get sick?  What if we cannot visit them?  How can they create their own zoom account and sign up for zoom yoga and zoom book club on their own?  The struggle is real.  

Holidays were even better.  Proceed as usual.  Let’s just test everyone.  Re-think that plan.  Cancel.  Disappoint.  Repeat.  Focus on what really matters, that those who we care most about will be around to celebrate next year.  Drink more wine.

Working from home.  Some of us have been lucky enough to work from home.  No traffic jams to fight.  No need to plan your lunch or plan your outfit.  Or color your hair.  Ever.  Yes, that got old.  Fast.  Reposition your camera to strategically block your roots and hide your pajama bottoms.  Missing lunch or that cup of coffee with a co-worker.  Or anyone that we are not related to for that matter.

Social media had a whole new meaning this year.  Karen from Facebook says to send your kids to school, then she says to keep them at home.  Then, Karen marched in the BLM movement.  Then, she stormed the Capitol building.  She is vaccinating her children, but posts anti-vaxx news clips of the day.  Make up your mind, Karen.  You can’t have it both ways.

We learned a lot about our friends and neighbors this year.  There are the ones who dropped off the toilet paper when you were out.  There are the neighbors who sent the group text when the local store got the shipment of hand sanitizer and Lysol.  And there are the ones who hoarded it all.  Then there are your people.  Your zoom happy hour crew.  Your mom squad.  No judgements.  Just a meme or an emoji away to let you complain about your ungrateful partner or your darling offspring.  They got you.  We got this, moms.  Cheers to 2021 and a post-pandemic new “normal” for all!

  • Dr. Nadine M. Aktan, PhD, APN-BC received her BSN, MSN AND PhD in Nursing from Rutgers University. As a nurse, she specialized in pediatrics and community health. After becoming a family nurse practitioner, Dr. Aktan went on to provide advanced nurse care in a variety of primary and urgent care settings. Her professional focus changed in 2005 when appointed to an academic position at William Paterson University, where she rose to the role of Chairperson from 2013-2019. Dr. Aktan’s research area of expertise includes nursing education and the optimization of patient care outcomes. Her career trajectory has included thirty publications and professional presentations at local, regional, national and international forums. Dr. Aktan was a NJ Biz Nurse and March of Dimes Nurse Educator of the Year finalist. Most recently she has been awarded a sabbatical to complete her third book titled Fast Facts for Nurse Practitioners: Current Practice Essentials for the Clinical Subspecialties.

    For more information on Dr. Aktan’s latest book, follow the link below…

    https://www.springerpub.com/fast-facts-for-nurse-practitioners-9780826148728.html

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